Remembering my Dad

October 25^th is my dad’s birthday.  He would have been 91 years old. It’s been 22 years since we were able to celebrate his birthday with him. I can’t even imagine what he would be like today at 91 years.  As his birthday approaches,  I just thought about which date seems more significant to me , his birth date or the day he died.  His birth date is more significant to me than the day he died even though he died on my birthday.  Twenty two years later it is still difficult to walk through a card aisle and look at "Birthday cards for my Dad " and know I won’t be buying one. But,  I celebrate his birthday in spirit...and with spirit... and am grateful for the years we had, when we needed him the most. I’m grateful for the memories and regret the immaturity to not have known him better as a person, rather than just a dad, when he lived. I’ve learned much in the last 22 years about his life before he became a dad and how I wish I had been able to share my knowledge with him in person. I wish I could have taken him to Poland on the internet and shown him everything there is at a finger's touch today. I wish he had lived to know all his grandchildren and to see all his little great- grandchildren...all boys.  I think he would have been so proud. We've never stopped missing you Dad.......just learned to live without you. 

I’ve learned to keep a watchful eye,

 for his presence is still very much closeby.....

as the memory of  the scent of tobacco from a lit cigarette still touches my nostrils every once in a while.

 His favorite cigarettes which cost him $1.50 a pack and now cost $10.00

 and his old vodka bottle from the days when you could buy a 1.14 liter of wootkee for $18.45, although Potters was not a good brand .